Living Above The Norm

Part 3 of my posts on “Why I Love My Wife”

I was a single, in school, and had a budget that was holding down the average poverty level in the U.S. Sound familiar?

You just learn how to make due. You make due with what you have, you make due with what you wear, and especially with what you eat. Ramen noodles, Tang, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Strawberry Pop Tarts and of course, Macaroni and Cheese – you know the kind in the white box that had the powdered flavoring? (that’s not cheese by the way) – those were staples of my diet at the time.

If things were going really well, and the budget was a bit more padded than normal, I would treat myself to some frozen corn dogs. Ah, they were the best.

But Not for Her

Fast forward a few years; Kayla and I are recently married. She is a homemaker extraordinaire and in a conversation one afternoon (she was planning meals for the week) she asked what I wanted for dinner. Now, here I am, a married man – top of the world. I got the babe of my dreams, recently back from the honeymoon, life is good. So I felt like treating myself. “Ooooh, let’s have corn dogs and mac n cheese.” I said. It was a two-for-one in my opinion; I get a favorite and she gets an easy meal. Win – Win.

Not Exactly

You would have thought I insulted her. I don’t remember exactly what she said (partly because I was shocked at the response) but it was something to the tune of, “I am not going to fix corn dogs for my husband. I am going to cook a real meal. Period.” Apparently my Corn Dog standard was not enough.

So it began. God has truly given me a help mate. Sure, we laugh at the corn dog story from time to time, but what I’m really trying to say is that in my life, my wife continues to strive for higher standards. She isn’t content with the status quo, what’s easy, or what will just make due. She has mastered the art of improving our home and continues on a daily basis to improve herself. That challenges me. That’s why I love my wife.

There are more reasons, too.
Because She Takes the Pictures
Because She Lets Me Lead, and
Because She Reminds Me I Can Hear the Voice of God

To continue my thoughts on “Why I Love My Wife”…

I was flipping through some pictures the other day and noticed something that I hadn’t quite noticed before. There are a ton of pictures of me, more pictures of our son, Cole, but not as many pictures of Kayla. No sooner did I ask myself did I realize why… she’s the one taking the pictures!

Growing up, picture taking wasn’t that big of a deal. I’m not sure if we didn’t have a camera handy or didn’t realize at the time all that we were missing, but for some reason there aren’t a whole lot of pictures of us growing up. I suppose I brought that into our marriage. I’m usually the one to moan at the infamous “family picture” times.

Consequently, I don’t often think to capture life’s little moments via photos.

Who Would Have Thought

That’s why I love my wife. She’s the one that takes the pictures. She’s the one who sees firsthand the importance of capturing life’s moments. For Cole’s first birthday we had a collage of every month of that year. She had diligently captured, week by week, the first year of his life. Looking back, I’m sure I’ve spent much more time admiring the memories now stored on my hard drive than I did actually posing for the pictures. They are priceless to me.

It’s Not That Easy

It’s not just the taking of the pictures that I love – it’s the spirit behind them. She’s willing to inconvenience herself and seize an otherwise lost opportunity. I remember our trip to Vegas. One of my favorite memories is of our dinner in front of the Bellagio Fountains. I wasn’t willing to, but she asked a complete stranger to take that photo. She stepped up then, and capitalized on a moment that she knew would be important to us in the future. That’s why I love my wife.

There’s More

And that is one of many reasons… but you’ll have to stick around to learn of the others:
Because Corn Dogs Aren’t Enough
Because She Let’s Me Lead, and
Because She Reminds Me I Can Hear the Voice of God

I recently came across a folder where our church kept all the notes from our Premarital Counseling, now nearly six years ago. It was pretty neat to look back through the notes that Pastor Eugene wrote about us and it was funny to see different answers that each of us wrote on the various questionnaires. One such question stuck out, “How do you know you love your fiancé?”

We’re So Funny Sometimes

Sure, back then we were trying to give the best answers. Mine was a combination of over-spiritual meets desire to impress my Pastor – it was a good answer, but after 6 years of marriage I’ve got a few completely different answers. So it got me thinking… Why do I love my wife? How do I know I love her? How do I know that she loves me?

Valentines

It’s February, and with it Valentine’s. This year, I think I’ll do something different in honor of Kayla and my love for her. If you’ll allow me, I’ll share my very practical reasons for “Why I Love My Wife.” Each answer will be it’s own post and will continue every few days or so until we reach Valentine’s Day.

So, how would I answer the question today – “Why do I love my wife?”
I would say it’s…

– Because She Takes the Pictures
– Because Corn Dogs Aren’t Enough
– Because She Let’s Me Lead, and
– Because She Reminds Me I Can Hear the Voice of God

Stay tuned for each one in detail!

It can be very easy to fall into a rut during tough financial times. What we don’t often see are the “behind the scenes” things at work in the middle of your financial pickle. Here’s a few things to consider:

It’s Not Yours Anyway

Don’t be discouraged by your current situation – be MOTIVATED!! Here’s what I do know – it is all His anyway. Not yours. He’s asked you to be stewards over His money that you have. He’s entrusted it to you – and He doesn’t make bad financial decisions. So what does that mean?

He’s not only given you the money to manage, but the resources and tools that you need to do it with! And to do it well!

You’re Already Well Equipped

What’s the number one tool in your arsenal? EACH OTHER!! The enemy would like nothing more than for the stress of this season to drive a wedge into your relationship and cause the money to be a source of conflicts. Give the enemy a black eye! Instead of arguing with each other, use the strengths that each of you possess and team up to accomplish the amazing.

It’s Not About You

God also never does anything “to” you that He doesn’t want to work “through” you. What does that mean? One day, you will be on the other side of this post – sharing with another couple what season this was for you, how you teamed up and overcame, and what an amazing thing God was able to accomplish through your teamwork. What you learn today will help you teach someone tomorrow. It’s not about you!! Who is going to be on the other side of your obedience?

Sounds like a mouthful. It’s almost as hard to say as it is to live. Let me explain.

Ephesians 2:8-10
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Good Works and Relationship

It can be easy to think that doing good works (and ceasing from bad works) will position you for relationship with God. That is what the bible calls “your righteousness”. The bible says that your righteousness is as filthy rags before the Lord (Isaiah 64:6) – repelling his presence. In other words, no good thing you could do would ever qualify you for relationship with God.

On the contrary, this verse teaches that salvation comes as a gift of God through faith. It’s a gift that not only saves you, but forgives you, and qualifies you for relationship with the Father. That relationship, in turn, prepares you to be the kind of person that you were created to be – one who does good works – works that were prepared for you long in advance.

Don’t get the cart before the horse!

Your relationship drives the passion that enables good works to be done. Good works can never cause one to be deserving of a relationship with Him.

Good works do play a part, but only as an expression (or proof) that you are in relationship and believing in faith that you are becoming more like Him. That kind of obedience (obedience through imitation) is as a sweet smelling aroma to the Lord (Ephesians 5:1-2) – one that draws Him near.

In a comment to my post on My Experience or The Bible, Peter wrote something that caught my eye – “But is it really possible to interpret Scripture without any sort of tradition.”

Every day I make decisions about how to live my life based on my beliefs. These decisions (often unknowingly, and simply by routine) can become traditions from the “this is what/how I do” connotation. I find myself routinely praying a blessing for a cheeseburger that I “know” isn’t healthy – for example. I’ve made a tradition of blessing my meals.

It causes me to think – if my current views/beliefs/understandings of scripture affect my actions and what I do; and if my actions, from repetition, become traditions – I have to be careful to ascertain exactly what it is that I’m passing on to the next generation. Am I passing on the action/tradition/experience because it was based on what I believe; or, am I passing on the beliefs in hopes to impact the actions/traditions/experiences of others? When I teach my son through my actions (by praying for every meal) do I make the attempts necessary to communicate the beliefs behind the action or do I merely expect him to follow my action and catch the belief on his own?

I wonder what the Church Fathers would have us take away from their lives – the actions/repetitions/traditions of “this is how/what I do” or rather “this is the belief I have, how will you respond to it?”  Does the same belief always warrant the same action in response? Likewise, does a similar action or repeated tradition imply that a common belief is held?

If I ever want to feel good about myself, all I have to do is log in to Facebook.  Once I’m in, a quick glance to the left and whatever temporal insecurities I may have been facing or whatever loneliness I may have been feeling vanish immediately… After all, I have nearly 700 friends.  Who can be down on themselves with those kind of stats!

Seriously? 700? Friends? What gives?  Either I’m just that popular or somewhere along the lines someone has changed my definition of “friend.”  Although my ego would rather me believe I’m that popular, the reality is my Facebook definition of a friend is a little off kilter to what real friends are, or at least what I want them to be.

At the risk of possibly offending one of the 693 people… er, uh… friends that I have linked to on Facebook, I’d like you to consider some alternate definitions for the many varied relationships that you have in your life.  You’d be surprised how many “friends” you might not have.

My Distinctions

Fans – people who are proud of what you’re doing

Friends – people who acknowledge what you’re doing

Family – people who labor with you in what you’re doing

The fact is, I don’t have the capacity to continue to build relationships with all of the people that I know.  You might.  I don’t.  Rather than settle for a whole lot of very shallow relationships, I choose to invest into a smaller number of relationships – a family of people that I “do life” with.

Another Distinction

Fans – we know each other

Friends – we show each other

Family – we grow each other

I believe that the purpose of relationship is change – we are meant to grow.  Physically, emotionally, and especially spiritually, we are created to grow.  The relationships that we surround ourselves with provide the environment that encourages our growth.

I have a lot of friends, but I’m always on the look out for family. What about you?

Recently, in a discussion with another Pastor about some of the more difficult areas of the Bible (difficult as in hard to interpret), I heard a phrase that has had me thinking:

“Instead of letting what you haven’t experienced and your current understanding about what the Bible says define what you can experience, there might be times when what you’ve experienced redefines what you understand the Bible to say.  Just because you haven’t experienced that, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen today – especially when the Bible might say it does.”

Now, the “that” of our conversation isn’t important, and although we were productively sharing our interpretations of the Bible’s teachings, I’m not sure that an open comment forum would be the best way to duke it out further.  But for the purposes of thought and communication, I’ll expand.

Have you ever been opposed to God operating in a certain way, or area, or at a certain level in your life because you didn’t believe it was possible or understood the Bible to mean something different?  Do you allow what you currently understand the Bible to say or not say to be the box where within you allow your experiences of a relationship with God to remain?

Situation: I’ve just experienced something new within a worship service at a church I’ve started to attend and I don’t know how to take it.

Response #1 – I don’t think my experience should effect what I previously believed the Bible said about that. I reject that experience as God.

Response #2 – Because I’ve now experienced what I hadn’t before, I should be open to a different understanding of what I thought the Bible said.

I’m asking; what is the mature, appropriate response to experiencing something new in a worship service?

Needless to say, it’s been a crazy few months.  With the addition of my son to our family back in August, our schedules have been completely turned up-side-down.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my new schedule and the numerous opportunities throughout my day to spend playing with my now 12-week old son are precious moments I know I’ll never have back.  But things have been piling up.

Priorities Change All The Time

The down side (if there is one – hahaha) to being ordered and routine in my life is that I don’t always deal well with change.  I love change – it’s just easier when I get to initiate it, that’s all.  But what happens when some things that you intended to stay up on and do frequently keep piling up without your attention?  Do you let yourself feel overwhelmed; allowing procrastination to convince you there will be more time tomorrow?  I’m not.  Sometimes it’s just not possible to catch up.

Time to Delete

The picture above is part of a screen shot from my Google Reader, the RSS Aggregate I use to keep up with the numerous ministry, technology, business and financial blogs and news sources that I follow and read (or well, try to read) every day.  Yup, 601 unread articles.  Yikes.  I’m not sure how long it would take me this evening to read 601 articles, but if I don’t finish, there will be a few more tomorrow for sure.  It’s time to delete what hasn’t been read, deal with the fact that I’m missing some great content, but remind myself that I’ve been productive with what’s really important in my life right now.

How About You?

Are there things in your life that have been piling up?  Did you run out of time to do some of the things you intended? Not everything is as easy as just hitting the delete button and moving on, but I would bet that it’s possible in some.  You have to make time to do the things that are most important – and it will always be at the expense of something else.  Learn to be ok with that.

Tonight, I chose to let go of some back logged reading and learning opportunities so that I could write this post.  Now, if only I had a delete button for my front yard and the foot-tall grass that’s been growing in my absence… geez.

Kathryn at Million Dollar Journey wrote an interesting article comparing the most common types of budgets.  I’ll save you the recap, just make the jump to her link above to see the differences.

What she did write that caught my eye was her comparison of budgeting to diets.  She writes, “Only you know yourself well enough to know what kind of budget will work for you. Remember the same diet doesn’t work for everyone. Even though it comes down to simple math; eat less than you burn and spend less than you make, a budget or a diet plan gives you the tools you need to successfully carry out your goals. You need to find a system that works for you.”

It got me thinking – Do people give up on budgeting the same way they often give up on diets?

Those of you that know me know that I’ve been blessed with a super-fast metabolism and I actually have difficulty gaining weight.  I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t eat as healthy as I should.  I’ve never been on a diet, but I’ve seen many people jump from diet to diet; unable to get the results they desire.  I do, however, consider myself to be a pretty disciplined person, especially with finances; and I’ve seen many people struggle with budgeting their finances the same way.

Do you Budget the way you Diet?

Diets often fail because people don’t stick with them… most fail because people are willing to change how they live as long as they can still have what they want. At some point in a diet (or budget) what you want is crossed by what is best for you.  The question is simple. Will you have the discipline to tell yourself, “No?”